I could make wine with my vomit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
