Plan B is the new Plan A
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
