i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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