My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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