Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
