nut hugger
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
