Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
