you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He felt like a one man threesome
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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