I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
