i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
