Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
