Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
