I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
