Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
