During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize