So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
