his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
