Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
