i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
