I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
