So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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