Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
