I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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