i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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