GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
