her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
