I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
