she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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