This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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