I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
