We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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