Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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