The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
