Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
