Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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