drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
