Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
