I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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