So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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