she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
