one two three fourrrrnication!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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