I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
