So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I want is dick and wine.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
