It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
