I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
