I seem to have left my pride at pride
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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