Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
