office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are all done wearing pants today
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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