So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
