There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
