If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
honey bunches of taint.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize