I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
