The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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