her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
