I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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