Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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