I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
