I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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