i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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