You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
