How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
