Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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