OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
