if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
