i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
