Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
