apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize