Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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