shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
