I smell stomach acid.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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