My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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